Where I Am Going.

Four days.

I'm at peace with it.

It is what it is, and there is no stopping it.

When I get there, I make no promises about my behavior. I may be nervous. I may be scared. I may be annoyed. Or angry. Or maybe I'll love it.

But I won't know until I'm there, and I get my hands dirty.

So now, I wait.

I Think I Can.

I'm having a hard time keeping my head above the waterline.

I know it. I recognize it. I'm working on it.

It's hard because so much that was once constant is now changing. I know that's where my head is getting lost. I have always had a thing about constants. About things staying just as they should be. Being everlasting and unmoving. (Thanks OCD for that awesome trait.)

I know I cannot stop the fact that things are changing. I must go to school. I must live somewhere else. I must meet new people. I am not trying to stop it. I'm trying to get hold of it. I cannot seem to wrap my head around all of this, and that is where I begin having trouble treading all the water.

I start to fumble. I bob up and down. Occasionally dipping under for a moment too long. And that is where I lose myself. Under all the water where I can't breath, and I can't see, and no one can hear me. That is where I get lost.

Now, I've never been the best swimmer, but I am trying my damnedest here. I am trying so hard. And I just keep telling myself, "One day. Just one day at a time."

Because I know that works. I know it does. I can make it through one day of anything.

So I get through one day. And suddenly I'm swimming again and I'm not gasping for air.

There are good days, and there are bad days. Just like with anything else. I just have to remember that I've fought through this before, I can do it again. And soon enough all the chaos will settle.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

An Update.

As it is the beginning of August I thought I'd post a quick update on all the shenanigans I've got going on:

• I leave for school in less than a month.
• I still have no clue who I am living with.
• That freaks me out.
• Still anxious.
• I'm working all. the. time.
• If I'm not working I'm sitting at home. Alone. It's the pits.
• I'm starting to hate this summer because of that reason alone.
• My new medicine is making me unbearably sick.
• I still have nothing going for me on the 'what-the-hell-is-going-on-with-my-head' area.
• That is scary.

I promise I'll get back to posting soon.