Going Forward

I go back to school in seven days. The thought of that, just typing those words makes me want to burst into tears.

I keep reminding myself that it is only for a little bit longer. I only am there until February 17th. One month. I can do it for one month. After all, it's already been five.

Of course, I'll be going back days later. But those breaks, those long weekends, they're my saving grace. Those are the times where I force myself to remember all the things that make me happy. I can't say that it works really. I like to think it does. I like to think that forcing the smiles and the laughs will make things better.

Regardless, I have to go back. I am doing everything to figure out what it means for me to transfer. I have researched schools. I have thought out what I am looking for. The result is still the same; I don't want to go.

Yeah, I know. I've been down this road before. I have to go, I get that.

Now that I know that where I am is not where I can be, then I need to find the next best thing to being free.

So here's to moving out of hell.

At Year's End

It came.
It went.

There goes 2010.

It was far different than I ever could have imagine. Though, to be completely honest I have never really thought too far into the future, at least when it comes to predicting a full year. I guess I just figure, "Why disappoint yourself?"

Anywhoo.

2011.

Hm.

I wrote a note last year that I refuse to look at now. It was something about how I hoped 2010 would go. Something about what I really wished for. I'm not entirely sure.

I am worried about this year. I am worried about the outcome of all the decisions I will be making. I am worried about where I will be in January of next year. And not because I think the world will be ending.

I am just worried.

I want to be happy. I want to be content. I want to be doing something that doesn't make me so viscerally unhappy.

I don't know what that is.

I'm just going to stop this here before we all lose our heads out of boredom.

This post has been brought to you by the lonely rambling Rylee that winter has created. You are welcome.