The Working Paradox

You want the money, you need the money.

You want to feel busy, you need to feel busy.

You want the free time, you need the free time.

I want (no, I need) the money. In all honesty, I need money. I need to pay for my car, my school, and for my lifestyle. (Yes, first world problems. I know.)

But, by God, what I would give for a money tree. Plant it, sit back and watch the money grow.

I do enjoy working. I love my jobs. I love the interaction with people. And I love the reward of a hard day's work. I do. Really.

Unfortunately, I love sleeping more. A lot more.

Now, I obviously cannot spend (all) my days in bed. However, days off? Always in bed until at least 11 a.m. Say what you will. I like sleep. The downside of this is simple: guilt. I feel so guilty each and every day I have off. I can't control the fact that I have the day off, most of the time, yet, wicked guilt. Wicked.

But, work is work. Money is money. Free time is free time. I'll take 'em as they come.

19th Year

Nineteen isn't (typically) anything special. It is in-between some big deals. But on it's own, not much.

Nineteen is when the dust settles. It is when things begin to come back into view. Big things. Little things. Things that matter and things that don't.

Nineteen.

It's almost two decades.

It's almost extra-legal.

It's almost nothing.

But it's not, nothing, that is. It is still another year of my life. Another year that I can make into anything I please. Good, bad, ugly or awesome.

12 months (alright, 10) of absolutely anything.

Miss What?

Okay. I have decided.

I want to be Miss Vermont 2012. And I am going to compete. This year. This spring.

Let me back up, explain a little.

I am most definitely not a pageant girl. I am a Vermont girl. I own one pair of heels. I bought my first bikini this year. I don't dance, or sing, or runway walk. I swear. I am sarcastic. I read The Oatmeal over The New York Times.

Yes, I wear makeup. Yes, I own dresses. But any pageant girl will tell you, it is much more than that.

But, I want to do this. I want to be Miss Vermont. I want travel the state meeting and speaking to Vermonters of all kinds. I want to have a platform that people hear (and listen to.) I want to show the people of the Miss America competition what Vermont is about.

I love Vermont. I always have and I always will. I cannot think of a better organization (and scholarship program) to help me express that love and learn more than I am sure I can imagine.

I believe I can take the crown. Maybe not this year. Maybe I won't compete ever again. But I want to try this. I want to do this. And I will.

And can we all collectively ignore (for now) that I do not a have any prospective talents for the talent portion? Yes? Great, thank you.