Recipe for a First-Time Pageant Girl

Ingredients:

Prep: The last 20 years

Cooking: 6 Months

Level: Not as easy as I may have hoped.

I have got one me. I have got zero dresses. Oh, and zero prepared talent routines.

But, with six months left, I'm starting to feel the reality of this Miss business. I am finally feeling like, This is it. I am doing this.

Which, in case you were wondering, is a totally awesome (and almost equally terrifying) feeling.

I can make a talent routine. I can find the perfect dresses. I can lose the weight, and gain the confidence. I know I can.

So in six months, I'm going to be a fully prepared Miss.

Here we go.

The End of The Beginning

I have now been home from school for more than a week now.

And to be perfectly honest, it doesn't feel the same as last year's break.

It's not just a short reprieve.

I'm not counting the days until my dreadful return.

I'm not adding more things to the list of 'What I Hate About School.'

I'm just, at home, relaxing. I am enjoying working, and staying busy, and preparing for the semester ahead.

It's a little crazy the difference a year can make. I mean, every one is sitting around thinking about what they wish they would have done, or accomplished and whatnot. And I'm just, I am still so proud of the fact that I have made it through this last year and a half. I did it. I am still doing it, even when it hurts.

So, this year? Not at all what I expected. This break? Better than I would have thought.

I only hope I can keep this up.

Becoming Crafty

I like crafts, projects, fun ways to pass the time, but I am, by no means, a "Martha." Not even close.

But about a week ago now, I got my Pinterest invite. And you guys? I fell down the DIY rabbit hole.

I am in craft heaven, with a list of to-dos longer than my arm. I am making loads of projects for Christmas...and birthdays...and for fun.

Really, it is nearly embarrassing the amount of things I have found and bookmarked. (I have become conscious of the potentially excessive DIY pinning and resorted to the bookmarking.)

In the next month, while I am home and doing almost nothing, I will have completed enough crafts to fill this house.

Expect presents!

Miss Washington County 2012

That's me! No, really, I did it!

That whole Miss Vermont thing? It's happening. For real.

Okay.

Well, I'm getting there anyways.

I've become a preliminary Miss. As in, Miss Washington County.

I have really done my homework, and I am planning like crazy. I have done the platform homework. I have done the where I want to go, and what I want to be, and what I want to get out of this homework. And even the fluff work, like, but what will I WEAR?

I am filled with so much glee, and pride, and just happiness. I am so incredibly excited for this and all that it holds. I can't- I can't even put it all into words.

I just keep thinking about where I could be this time next year. Or even six months from now. It really is thrilling, the prospect of it all.

For now, I am keeping high (and realistic) hopes. I know this is not easy. I understand that it is my first time doing anything like this. But I figure I have as good a chance as anyone else.

After all, Obama only ran for President once, and he won on his first try. So there.

School: An Update

Things are not bad. Not even a little bad. That makes them...good, right?

They're good.

My room. Oh goodness, my room. It is a palace. It is absolutely huge and it has it's very own bathroom, all for me. The amount of positive that this has brought into my life is hard to believe.

My classes. Well, they are done. For this semester at least. But they were brilliant. I mean, they were challenging, but not overwhelming. And, okay, I know how nerdy this is, really, I do. But these classes, they were so fulfilling. Getting good grades was...satisfying.

My people. Okay. This is where I, not lack, that's not right. Maybe, well, I'm not sure. What I'm saying is I don't have a lot. Of people...of friends.

That sounds so bad.

I mean to say that there are people I hang out with. There are people I am friends with in class. There are people I see on weekends. But I spend the majority of my time alone. Which was hard, really hard, to begin with. And it's still not easy, but it's easier. I'm use to it. I have a routine.

Go to class. Eat lunch. Go back to class. Do homework. Go to the gym. Go to dinner. Do more homework.

The catch? I do all of that alone. Every day of the week.

I don't know. It sounds worse than it is.

It's not as if I don't talk to people or that I spend countless hours in my room. I just... I live alone. And it's hard being the person that has to find someone to eat with, or to go places with, or to do things with. It's not that I really mind that, I just don't want other people to mind. So I do things alone. It's less complicated.

Overall, it is better this way, living alone. I need my own space. (And this bathroom? It is a dream.) It has been great for my grades. And, in some ways, it makes hanging out with people, my friends, that much more fun.

I know it sounds so...pathetic. It does. It can be. But I'm happy. I like it here. I am doing well here. So it really can't be that bad, right?

Here We Are Again

Okay. That was- well, it's been a while.

A long while. There are a lot of reasons for that. A lot of reasons that I kept writing posts and promptly deleting them, sitting in front of blank windows for hours, leaving them open for days.

When it comes down to it, and I look back at all those reasons, I'm not sure how much they matter. I'm not sure that they matter for anything other than that they are the reason I am here, that I can do this again.

I guess that is a good thing.

I hope it is.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is simple, I was gone. But I'm back. I'm doing this again. I'm writing again.

I am finally able to tell my story again.

(In a moment of foolish honesty, I will say that my first instinct was to title this "Back to December." Then I just thought, no, this is not the time for Taylor Swift.)