Marvelous Monday

Today was a day off! Now, I think, that just makes it marvelous to begin with.

But I was also paid a visit from my Mama, treated to lunch, and went on a bit of a shopping trip. A shopping trip that was (very) successful.

An amazing new coat- for only $15!:

And a nail color for vacation- just two weeks away!:

Along with two fabulous new tops and a chance to get off campus and just enjoy myself.

On top of all of that I got to take most of yesterday to plan and shop for my birthday party- in June. I am so excited. Invites are half finished. Of the decorations I am buying (I am making most) I am done. And I got to create a fun game and plan the menu! June cannot come soon enough.

Here is to a week as marvelous as this weekend!

Friday Favorites

This week I was all about Valentine's day, until Wednesday, when, well, a lot went downhill. So, I listened to a bunch of music. Some old standby's and some new favorites.

Here is my go-to get-me-through-this-day song:

And, admittedly, my new favorite from this week:

Beyond that I had a favorite pin:

(Follow me on Pinterest!)

And last, but most definitely not least, my favorite me moment: I was a guest writer at Curvy Girl Guide this week, and I wrote about being a single girl on Valentine's day.

Here's to a better week ahead because the tail end of this one was ruff.

Heh. Get it? Tails? Ruff? No? Okay.

Days Like Today

I was going to write today about how I feel like I'm standing on solid ground again. I was going to write about being happy, and remembering how good it feels to laugh. I was going to write about finally being out of the woods, far enough out that I can turn around, look at the woods and know that I don't have to go back in.

Then something happened.

I don't know if it was my power adapter failing and my computer shutting down just as I was about to finish my homework. I don't know if it was the irrational panic attack that followed, complete with sobbing and hyperventilating. I don't know if it was the migraine that threatened to arrive earlier in the day but came full force mid-breakdown. I don't know if it was being so utterly alone, consumed by the migraine, and willing my power adapter to just work. I don't know if it was waking up, blinded by the pain I had refused to acknowledge earlier. I don't know if it was just the lack of sleep.

Maybe it was everything. But something happened. And today, today was so hard.

Days like today, they involve a lot of guilt. I feel guilty for not getting out of bed. Guilty for not doing as much as I can. Guilty for, yes, not making it to every class. Guilty for not eating enough. Guilty for feeling as if everything is falling apart, inside and out.

It's hard to look past today. I get stuck behind the pain, the exhaustion, the futility of every action. I will myself to shower, to eat something, to make a cup of coffee, do anything that keeps me from staying in my head. It's in there that I get lost. I forget that there is a tomorrow that has to be better. I forget that there are ways out of days like this. It is in there that find the cycle that only leads to more of todays, not ways out.

So I try to do things that I know make it better, easier. I let myself sleep when I can do nothing else. If any food appeals to me, I let me eat it. I drive. I go away. I play music. I do what it takes. Because I can't afford every day to be like today. I cannot afford to get lost in those woods again.

I know tomorrow will be hard too. Not as hard, not as horrible. But it won't be easy, it won't be like yesterday. It's not easy knowing that, but it makes...it makes it easier to cope with. I can prepare. Set out a schedule. Stick to my guns. And just know that I'll spend tomorrow reminding myself that there is one more tomorrow after that.

I don't know where today came from. I don't know where the...fog came from. But it hit hard. And when I wake up tomorrow it may not have cleared completely. It may still feel like everything inside of me is cracking and crumbling under the pressure. But, but I know that these days pass. I know that there is another side to this. And I will find it. I will.

Looking Ahead

It's hard to believe that I am more than half way done here, at school. It's hard to believe that in less than two years I will be looking for a job, and for a place to live.

I suppose though that it will be harder to believe when it gets here. I have got some time, that much is true. That time though, it feels like it's moving faster than ever before. First semester flew by, and I am almost half through this current semester.

So, it what will feel like no time at all I will find my self at the end of this road and needing to pick the road I will take next.

That road? Well, that is what I was looking at today. I did a lot of googling. Maybe almost too much.

I began looking at top jobs for graduates, jobs that I would love, jobs that I could do, and cities where I may want to be. And, thankfully, it was not as nearly as overwhelming as I had thought. Maybe because I know I have got a bit of time. Maybe because I am feeling hopeful, excited even.

But today I was able to look at my future and see ways that I could be happy, ways that I could have a life that I have wanted for so long. That, that is the best kind of future I could ask for.

Marvelous Monday

Today is more than marvelous because I've got a guest post up at Curvy Girl Guide about being single on Valentine's Day!

Go check it out!

(But if you come back later I promise to have a real post here too. Hopefully.)

For Your Consideration...

Two in one day! I know, I know.

But this one's important.

It's about the Children's Miracle Network Hospitals.

Yeah, the big guys. The hospitals that are saving little lives all over this country. In your state, in my state. People you know, and people I know. They are doing good, a lot of good.

Thankfully, they are Miss America's national platform. That's right, thousands of women all over this country are reaching out to raise awareness, love, and yes, money for this organization.

I know, money is tight. I know, sometimes places like this seem so out of touch for some of us.

Thank goodness they are.

But for so many families, and so many children, they aren't. There are families that spend more time in a hospital than at work, and children that spend days at these hospitals instead of days at school.

So, I am asking you to make those days a little easier, and those treatments a little more bearable. Not only to CMN Hospital's have some of the most groundbreaking technologies and treatments, they have amazing specialized staff members, playrooms, family rooms, and pediatric specialists that parents can ask for.

But it costs money.

As a state contestant I am doing what I can to raise money for CMNH, but I need your help. A little goes a long way. We've seen it before. We can see it again.

Please, consider helping today. Or maybe next week. Or maybe ask your neighbor, or your sister, or your coworker. It all helps.

Donate Here.

Marvelous Monday

Today...I don't feel marvelous.

I feel tired, out of focus, lonely.

I don't feel sparkly, or warm and fuzzy.

Today felt like a by-the-book Monday.

It was a Monday to groan about, to whine about, that wasn't all that successful.

But you know what? Tomorrow's Tuesday. So, who knows.

If I had to pick a marvelous thing of today? My class, my one class. It was productive, and fun, and engaging, and just a good class. That's pretty marvelous.