All In

I've been saying for the last few weeks that, if I find the dress I feel like I can win in, I'll compete.

So, when I went to Glitterati on Saturday, I had one giant prayer on my heart. I knew that a large part of me wants to be on that stage in May. I've also been aware of the part of me that worries if it is the right choice to compete when I'm juggling a full-time nearly-dream-job, commuting, family, and everything else. The quick answer to that is really simple, if you wait for the right time, it'll never come.

But, when I got to Glitterati, walked through the doors and was met by thousands of potential dresses, I thought, okay, it has to be here. So I started looking. I combed through the whites, the blacks, the creams, a couple blues, even a green. I had the wonderful help of the staff there - of which I cannot speak highly enough. Once I had pulled about seven dresses I went out back to begin trying them on.

And you know the process...oh, I like this, but not that...oh, I wish this fit better here...if only it was in white...well I want more stones. I didn't lose hope, but I wasn't being wowed.

Then came the special dresses. The ones they tuck away and bring to you saying, "Here, we just got this, you've got to try it on."

It felt goood. It felt like a winner. But it didn't feel like my winning dress. So I kept going. And about two more dresses in, another dress was brought in that I just had, "to try on, even if you don't think you'll like it."

Obviously you can see it in my face, this Lilly-printed monster is perfection

Full disclosure. It did not think this was going to be the one. I thought the coloring would be all wrong. I thought it would be too recognizable. I thought, no way, but maybe if I try this on I'll be one step closer to figuring out what dress will be perfect.

Then I slipped into that bad boy.

I kid you not, I just knew.

It felt like it had been made for me and me alone. It looked like it had been tailored to not just my body but my personality. It looked like I was always supposed to be in that dress.

So, I found the dress. I'm competing.

Please don't mind my updownupdown messy hair

I don't quite know how I'll make it all work in my budget, or in my day to day, or really much else other than, I'm competing. And I'm going all in.

Oh, and if you're post-pageant life and you think you have some jewelry/shoes/something sparkly you'd like to let me borrow, I'd be just beside myself.